Have Great Sex!
by DragonyPhoenix
Summary: "But I wasn't talking about sex, I was wishing them great sex. That's totally different. ... Besides Xander," she added, her voice taking on a darker tone, "you talk about them having sex. You just don't say 'sex'. You say 'spells' but it's the same thing and everyone knows it."


"Have great sex!"

Giles looked up from the books which the customers had put away all willy nilly with no regards to where they'd originally been shelved. He stepped out into the main room just in time to hear a blushing Willow say "Uh, thanks?" and see a smirking Tara grab her hand and draw her out the door. At least this time there were no customers in the shop to overhear Anya.

"Ahn, remember our chat on talking about sex in public?"

"And at high volume," Giles added.

"But I wasn't talking about sex, I was wishing them great sex. That's totally different. It's for Valentine's Day: have great sex. Just like you'd say Merry Christmas at Yule or wish someone a happy birthday, but without using the 'wish' word of course. Besides Xander," she added, her voice taking on a darker tone, "you talk about them having sex. You just don't say 'sex'. You say 'spells' but it's the same thing and everyone knows it."

"Anya, when I'm talking about spells, I don't mean …"

"Give it up, Xander," Giles advised. "We all, in fact, do know exactly what you mean when you say 'spells'."

At least the lad had the courtesy to look abashed, but then he stared off at nothing and his eyes got that glazed over look he got when he was … Good Lord, was he honestly thinking about sex? Again?

Anya hit him – good for her – and Xander rubbed his shoulder as he asked, "Hey, what was that for?"

"You were thinking about them, about Willow and Tara, about Willow and Tara having sex. You don't get to do that. You're my boyfriend and you're only allowed to think about me."

Xander blushed. "You wanna go?" He nodded toward the basement.

Anya grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the stairs. "Giles, keep an eye on the shop please. And sell lots of merchandise while we're … Um, we'll be downstairs doing inventory."

Giles muttered to himself as they stomped down the stairs. "I suppose one has to give her an A for effort. At least she tried to be discrete."

About ten minutes later the bell jangled over the door, announcing the arrival of one Miss Williams. While she was a regular customer, Giles wasn't all that glad to see her, not at that particular moment. She was older than Giles by about twenty years and had always reminded him of the prissiest of his maiden aunts. He said a prayer under his breath, asking that Anya continue to be discrete. As if his prayer had been a signal, a loud moan came from the basement.

"Mr. Giles, is everything all right?"

Giles gave her his most vacuous smile. "Just my assistant."

It was followed by another moan and then Anya's voice ringing out, her words unmistakable. "Oh, yes. Yes!"

Miss Williams' smirk looked disturbingly like Tara's had. "I don't suppose I could get what she's having?"

"Did you come in for something specific?" Giles asked.

Her smirk didn't disappear but she did get down to business. "Yes, I'm here for some herbs. I can get the vandal root and passionflower myself," she said with a nod toward the jars of herbs. Was it his imagination or had she emphasized the word 'passion'? "But I believe you keep the goat's bane under lock and key."

"Ah, yes. We do try to be a bit more cautious with the dangerous herbs." Just as he said 'cautious', Xander let out a loud moan. "And how much did you need?"

"An ounce should do it."

Giles fled behind the counter, to where certain herbs were kept under lock and key. He was grateful the jars were well stocked. He'd have lied and said they were out rather than go down into the basement for more. As he measured out the herb, he debated the advantages and disadvantages of putting a soundproofing spell on the basement. He finally decided it wasn't worth it. If he did, Anya and Xander would probably move their encounters elsewhere, to the training room for example.

The noise had died down and Giles hoped more than believed that Anya and Xander were done as he handed Miss Williams her change. "Please do come again." Giles immediately felt himself blush at the wording although Miss Williams certainly seemed to find it amusing enough, especially as Anya chose that moment to start screaming again. "Oh gods Xander, yes, yes, yes!" Giles shooed Miss Williams out of the store as quickly as he could.

A few minutes later, when Anya and Xander emerged from the basement, Xander was tucking his shirt into his pants. Giles made himself very busy going through the inventory ledger but he couldn't stop up his ears. "Xander?" Anya said. "I've been thinking about this Willow and Tara thing."

"Yeah?" Xander's voice had a wary tone to it.

"If thinking about Willow and Tara is always going to … Well, it's okay for you to think about them, but you're only allowed to have actual sex with me."


End file.
